recipe...

for an ultra relaxing weekend at the beach:

6" of snow

perfection :)

the weekend

it's always exciting when friday comes along.
but this weekend is especially special.
for christmas, my hubby planned a weekend gettaway at a (free!) beach house - for this weekend...friday through sunday....starting today.
he scheduled my awesome parents to keep the boys
and even bought me a new shirt and jeans to wear (a luxury around these parts).
i secretly bought him a new outfit too, and since he seldom reads my blog, the secret is safe :)


so, today is friday.
in all of the hecticness of life this past week
i was pleasantly surprised to realize it was friday.
finally.
the day we have been dreaming of
i ran out of time last night and didn't get to pack any of our things, nor did i pack any of the kids things...
somehow i need to find time to do that.
the house is a mess.
i have 7 loads of laundry on my bed waiting to be folded.
i did manage to load the dish washer,
but the kids are both getting colds and i'm sure i will forget to pack their humidifiers.
maybe i should re-read this blog before i leave so i will remember :)
i think there is a good chance i won't have time to take a shower,
and i'm quite certian there is a large number of food remnants in every surface of the kitchen floor that won't get vaccumed.
my stack of looming paperwork and bills without stamps will not get mailed
and the pile of etsy items i've been attempting list will not get listed.
i did manage to finish two orders last night, but i totally forgot to mend my husband's sweater (which he put in my sewing room 3 weeks ago)
i still need to call the doc and set up rowan's 2 yr well checkup (since he turned 2 on monday, i guess i should do that :) but i'll take the bet that it will slip away from my mind again.


for once, i'm not letting it bother me.
i'm calmly writing a blog and in a few moments, i'm heading to the train shop with the boys, where they have been begging me to go every day this week.
stuff can wait.
today, i'm in weekend mode a few hours early.
because, after all, i'm going away this weekend! :)

traveling buddies

mullet makover

before

after

adopted therapy

i haven't blogged about our adoption in a while.
partially because we have had some setbacks this fall...some out of our control, and some just because of the long process, which i had no idea would be so long. i'm starting to understand why everyone says adoption is a lot of work. some days i feel so overwhelmed that i can't even figure out what to do next.
the time frame keeps getting pushed back on the china end. it's looking like 3 years. potentially 3 Christmases, 12 birthdays, countless memories, more days that i wish to calculate, without her.

honestly, i have a hard time talking about it. blogging it even seems more difficult because then it's more real. i don't keep a journal, so my blog is as close as it gets. i know someday i'll want to remember, and someday, i will want her to know all of the pieces. and when she is finally with us, i want to look back and see how God was right with us in the middle of it. right with me, even on days like today.

my ache.
it's tangible.
at all times, i have an ache that seems to keep filling up the spaces of my heart. my mind.
it's never far from me.
sometimes i try not to think about my ache because it's hard to hold back tears.
like at the doctor's office today. i saw a sweet family. 2 boys and a girl. the way our family will look someday.

motherhood is too complicated to write. it's something that i know. it's something that is still a mystery. the love of a mother is so very passionate and protective and all encompassing.
that's how i know our family isn't complete yet.
because i have more to give.

in fact, i often have the same thoughts i did when i was pregnant with foster and rowan.
emotionally i have that same giddy excitement when i think of her.
anticipation. nervousness. ever wondering what she will look like.
i feel protective of her.
i already feel anger and frustration for the future perceptions we will receive because our family will be different.
the very difference that i embrace, i know some will not understand.
from the moment we brought our kids home from the hospital i felt a strong desire to instill the importance of uniqueness. every night as they fall asleep, i tell them they are special. i tell them i am proud of them. i tell them God made them just the way they are supposed to be. i tell them they are unique. i tell them i love being their mom. i tell them they are who God intended them to be and they must embrace it.

i already try to imagine how in the world anyone gets 3 kids dressed, out the door and on time to anywhere.
how will i reconfigure the car seats in my THMV?
will she like our usual 1/2 pb&j with a side of applesauce and a yogurt drink lunch menu?
what if my camera breaks or i loose my memory card when i travel to china to finally meet her?
maybe i should take a backup. but what if i loose my backup?
i often picture her with us at the park. running in the tall grass with the boys at my parent's house. riding on daddy's back like a pony. finger painting in the front yard. falling asleep in my arms.
what color should i paint her room? maybe something soothing and neutral with girlie accents and one of those cascading tulle nets over the head of her bed that i love so much.
will she love me.
will my love be enough to cover the pain that her young age has already experienced.
how will i survive another day without knowing when she will be with me.

do i sound crazy yet?

i struggle to even press "publish" on this post because i know it's not all light and cheery.
because my heart is so full with the unknown.
but i'm putting it out there.
after all, life isn't always light and cheery
and moving through the more difficult will make the brighter side glow that much more.

i'm sure a lot of people think this whole adoption thing is strange.
but to me, it feels like home.
our family is meant to love her.
i am meant to be her mom.

so this is me.
waiting.
not very patient, not very composed, not very light and cheery at the moment.
but waiting
anticipating
loving.

1977, 1978, 1979

my amazing parents...

before, during and after i came along.

snazzy sideburns and chopper.

i used to hide out in his doghouse and drink from his water dish.

he could jump a 6 foot hedge.

my mom made my dad's superfly suit.

they still have that sheepskin rug

and the reel to reel.

my mom was a rockin 70's chick.

my dad was a suave navy dude.

3.3

we have always been close.
closer than our 3.3 year deficit would lead you to believe.


we ordered carrot sticks from a mcdonalds drive through in 1997 in my old gold dodge dakoda and laughed for an hour.
we wore handmade moccasins and drew maps of the woods behind our house.
we cut and dyed each other's hair.
we may have even started the mohawk trend of 2001.
we went on an all out 2am mosquito attack with electric battery operated tennis racket fly swatters in china 2002. the hujin province mosquitoes still avenge their fallen heros.
we played g.i.joes and barbies.
we glued mom's duck back together at least 7 times.
we wrote countless letters back and forth when i moved away to college. i went through them a few weeks ago. i cried for an hour. they were hilarious. precious. amazing.
we made countless silly and ridiculous music videos, mostly to dc talk.
we threw more baseballs and hit more tennis balls than any two people could ever count. in case you didn't know, he has a kick serve that will literally knock your stockings off.
we dreamed of growing up and all that would mean.
we talked of life and love and things of the world.
we pondered who we would be and wondered who we would marry.
we prayed together.


he is one of the people that i admire most in the world.
he has taught me that the most influential people are also the most humble and selfless.

i see his influence in my life more and more.
i often try to imagine how he would react in a tough situation.
i always conclude that he wouldn't be judgemental. he wouldn't gossip. he wouldn't jump to conclusions. he wouldn't spaz out and say something mean.
he wouldn't do the many things that i unfortunately do all the time.
he would be genuine.
he would be kind.
he would smile.
he would feel at ease and calm.
he would make you feel loved even when you don't feel lovely.
even when your jeans have holes and your heart is hurting.
he would give you a hug.
he would ask how he could help.
he would tell you he cares and he would mean it.
that's how he is.
that's who he is.



there are usually 2 little pitter-patters weaving in and out now-a-days.
always and ever wanting their favorite uncle to make them fly like buzz lightyear or swoop like and airplane. they dream of playing with his treasured vehicles housed high atop his childhood closet. they swat him with a sword they have fashioned or whizz a ball dangerously close to his head. they tackle him when he isn't looking and share their cookies with him. they wear his winter hats with pride and listen to him sing them to sleep every night. they talk about him when he isn't there. they say things like, "this is my favorite. it's uncle Stephen's car. it's really old. it's special."

i am blessed to celebrate one of the most influential people i will ever meet.
he's 28 today.
28 years of blessing into my life.
28 years of joy.
i look back and pray that my kids have the friendship and love for each other that we have.
i have a childhood filled with the best things of life.
it is filled with my brother.

if only you were new again.

there was a fleeting moment in our past when this amazing piece of harnessed beauty and brains was the newest of new. the hottest of the hip. it's sleek and slender pod inspired technology was in every magazine and movie. the iconic imac was born and we had one.

newly married in the summer of 2003, our first goal was to make a fun purchase to celebrate our newly betrothed status. walking into a store and picking the funnest mac was just the ticket.
after 2 years we moved to china, and the imac moved to storage. upon our return, we shuffled around and didn't settle down in a place of our own until 5 years had passed since our most delicious purchase. we had 2 kids by this time and hardly remembered our freshly married days until we unearthed a peice of our past.
our imac.

we were quite disheartened, and more than a little irritated to find that our most endearing purchase was so clearly outdated in it's capabilities that it could hardly support even the simplest web pages and it's memory couldn't even comprehend how to facilitate our backup drive.

so now, here it sits. among the wreckage of our laundry/storage space. another casualty to years gone by now downgraded to storage indefinitely.

sometimes i get it out and let the boys pound on the keyboard in funny fonts...they think they have the coolest computer around...and they do. what 2 and 3 year olds have their very own imac? what is wrong with technology that an amazing computer is trashed in a few small years? i have vowed to never spend that much for a computer again....in fact, not even a 5th of what we paid for our delicious bite of loveliness.

for now, i'll just let the kids be cool with their cool cool computer and their elbow key pounding with a few round-house type maneuvers thrown in, and i'll look back and remember our newly married status and our first and favorite purchase when we became who we are :)

pardon me, but you are quite amazing

our party favorite...rowan's rendition of "away in a manger"





(excuse my horrible singing voice and the fact that i was so overcome with his cuteness that i totally forgot what verse we were on....that is, until foster corrected me :)

oldy-moldy-minolta meets new-and-nifty-nikon

while attacking the horrible mess that is our laundry/storage area last night, i came upon a once familiar friend.
her name: minolta 33mm
this particular lady set me back $500 big ones in her prime, oh-around 1998
as a poor college student at the time, the purchase was quite monumental.
i took her everywhere....even to china several times, where i shot more 33mm pictures than one could even hope to have developed.
her picture quality was stunning, and, according to my memory, her shudder speed was lightning fast.


as i unearthed her, i reminisced our times together...the film changes and smiles captured. i was shocked to discover that there was a bit of battery life still lingering, though it has been nearly 6 or 7 years since her last use. i happened upon some unexposed film, and somehow managed to remember how to load it, much to my surprise.
i focused in on an unsuspecting pile of old toys and prepared to be amazed as i once was with her skill set. much to my dismay, it felt difficult, laborious, even. like i was asking a bit too much of her capabilities. my eyes instinctively shot to the back of the camera to check what i had just captured. the black back of the camera stared blankly back at me. there was no playback screen. no way to know if the shot was in focus, or if the lighting was too dark. i didn't even think to check the settings, as i am so accustomed to shooting 10 or 20 pictures to get a feel for mood lighting. there was no way to know anything.

suddenly it hit me...

i have lost something in all of my digital this and that. a sense of patience. carefully selecting each shot, instead of shooting in machine gun approach. a sense of the beauty and anticipation of film. only having a short lived 24 or 36 pictures to a roll. the drive to the photo shop. the wait for the developer to carefully prepare each print. the glory of finally looking through each shot and the disappointment when a favorite was out of focus.

oh the days of old.

i think i'll shoot a roll or two or even give it to foster to play with...after all, what good is it now? i can't go back. there's no way. i just can't handle the unknown. but she is too beautiful and special to discard or sell (not that she is worth anything anyhow). so back to storage she will go.
although she does make me appreciate the splendor that is my d200 even more than i already do. :)

energy everlasting

There are several things I don't understand. Ok, lots and lots of things that are beyond my comprehension ability...but one remains foremost in my daily wonderings. Right nextdoor to "why can't someone discover calorie free cheese curls" is my question of all questions: "how in the world do kids have such an energy abundance??? more than enough energy to race full sprint ahead wearing dinosaur goloshes, carrying 2 hands packed full of bulldozers, a trailing scratchy monkey, a pull along wagon, several tons of pretzel sticks being munched and still manage to maneuver over a stack of large couch cushions, a dangerous assortment of matchbox cars, and an overturned basket of books."
Yes I know. Long, overwritten sentence. But the scariest part is I could keep going. The energy ability is quite mind bogging. All. Day. Long. 12. Hours. Every. Single. Day.

Today, the question was finally solved.
Behold my conversation with foster moments ago:

(while spinning in micro circles and flailing his arms)

Me: "wow, someone has a LOT of energy today!"

Foster: "mom, can you ask me questions for where I get my energy from? Who gave it to me?"

Me: "sure buddy! Where do you get so much energy? I would love to know! Who gave it to you?"

Foster: "from Jesus!"
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

kids these days

although we dream daily of their wonderfulness, neither clint, nor i, have an iphone.
we're not that cool.
so it was quite surprising to hear the following unfold.

yesterday afternoon.
while holding the tv remote with both hands and pressing the buttons with intention,

foster: "yeah, i just got an iphone. it's pretty cool. excuse me mom, i'm on a video chat with westley. he's on my phone. he likes to talk to me. see, here's my video chat. i like iphones."


i have an idea where he picked up his savvy techno talk...
they are very much cooler than us,
and very much my favorite people.
they have iphones.
they have beauty beyond expression.
they have a spirit of love that is contagious.
they have the love of 2 little nephews who watch their every move.

little black book

no one had seen it in a few months.
the drawers and cupboards had been searched.
the deskdrawers had been sifted.
years upon years of dates and deaths and purchases and events recorded
now lost.
we all felt a sense of our history in those notes hand written over so many years.
so many dates that no one else knows and would never be known if it wasn't for the little black book.
my granny kept saying she knew where it was.
after all, it's her book.
she took the time after each grandchild was born...
after grandpa bought a new computer...
after her brothers and sisters died one by one...
after grandpa put new tires on the car...
to write it all down.

so during our visit the week before thanksgiving,
we gave it one more try.
one more look-see

after a few moments of drawer-opening and a quick prayer that we might catch a glimpse of it...
in the very back of her china closet drawer...

the very back on the left, under some old bank reciepts, there it was.

small. old. tattered.
the little black book.
as i picked it up, it felt treasured.
i felt special getting to look through it's yellowed pages.
like i was looking into my heritage to see who was there.
i started at the begining.
it was filled with life.
happy things, times, dates.
marriages. births.

new microwaves and new furniture.

but as the pages continue,
the theme shifts.
pain. sickness. death.
the loss of ones so very loved fill the pages.
her friends. her family.

her husband.

almost all have passed.
my granny and her sister and her sister in law are all that are living.
a special group.
the things they have seen and known and lived are beyond what we will know.

i treasure her little black book because it means so much to her that these things are remembered.

it's important to her that the important things are not forgotten.

i treasure her.

(not sure when this picture was taken, but my granny is 2nd from the right.)

we no longer exist

in christmas cards.

i came to a sad realization last week as i perused my millions of backup drives for just the right shots to display on our christmas cards. i could not find a single picture of clint and i together in the last 6 months except for this one....which foster took as i was walking out the door to go to work on a saturday (hence the keys and manditory coffee :) sometime oh-around august.

i gotta say, his photography skills are quite advanced. i could post a birrage of the adorable pics he snaps...mostly of toy cars, rowan eating, and random clutter but they are so perfect as taken from his little boy viewpoint. there are also quite a few of me in very unflattering poses, unaware that i am being photographed and therefore not sucking in my non-flattening abdominal areas :)



but that's it. nothing else. nada. we literally do not exist on film together. i have managed to document every other detail except ourselves. kind of strange, if you think about it.



and then there are these...UPS was kind enough to deliver them today, much to my excitement...
which follow up the point that clint and i don't exist, but also shows that we would greatly inhibit the ultra cuteness that is donning this year's christmas cards.

i'm quite extatic about their amazingness.


thanks to peartree, they are just what i was looking for: inexpensive :)


i must also add that the 2 best pics (the closeups) were taken by my dear friend linds this past fall...they are 2 of my most fav pics of all time.

so there you have it. a really long post. i guess i could have just said: "look, our christmas cards are here!" and ended there. but now i've written all of this nonsense...might as well post it.

wow. i'm beyond wordy.
:)

on the to do list today...

raz pinwheels for our upcoming christmas party this saturday. able to be frozen in advance and baked pre-party time, i'm hoping these sweets taste as cute as they look!

you know you're a bit too geeky when...

you start sporting hot pink fingerless gloves
to endure the sub-lethal-artic-cold of your sewing factory.
i must say, i kinda like them.
geeky and 80's throwback as it may be,
i think they are quite fetching,
and my camera feels cool when i press the shutter with my newly warmed apendages :)

thankful flu

we had all saved our appetites...saved them for our turkey day feast.
my parents had arrived.
the kids were seated.
it was time.
the food was arrayed and the forks were waiting in eager anticipation.
as we plunged our serving spoons into the mounded paprika potatoes, dipped a healthy serving of roasted apples and sweet potatoes, forked a slice of smoking hot turkey and overloaded our portions of my mom's famous mandarin orange/cranberry salad, we heard an all too familiar tone...

the tone that every mom knows a little too well...the lovely notes of sputtering puke.

yes, before our forks could ingest even a single morsel (save a bite of my favorite pumpkin chocolate chip muffins) my sweet foster was overcome with the flu.

a perfect pre-thanksgiving meal appetizer with a side of the strawberry milk i had given him an hour before, we were in full flu mode with towels and upholstery cleaner flying every which way.

but, in true foster fashion, even his 104.1 fever didn't spike his sweet spirit as he kindly answered "no thank you" when i asked him if he needed a drink, and a pleasant, "i'm feeling pretty sick mom" as his pale complexion shuddered under the cool forehead rags.

as of now, it's 1pm the day after turkey day and i am happy to report we are quite thankful. the flu, the fever, the puke has subsided. no other flu-goers have been reported thus far. hopefully we are one and done here at the weldon household.
ah, thanksgiving. always making memories :)

my masterpiece...

I spent an alarming 20-some hours last week creating these...including an entire day with my mom while my sweeter-than-life hubby took a day off to spend with the kids at the zoo so I could have 17 uninterrupted hours. Although I nearly quit at various points during the horrendous pattern that is the amy butler weekender bag...I was pleased with the final product. The sophia (smaller of the two) felt like a breezy walk on the struble trail in comparison. Hopefully my customer will be pleased with her new travel accessories.
I did learn an important truth whilst tackling the apparently untested pattern configurations and ill fitting seam components. I can admit my shortcomings. It seems that dark chocolates and pattern lingo have bested me. I'll stick to less brain boggling projects in the future, but look back with glazed endearment on the week I tackled my first real patterns.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

look-a-likes. 1982 looks shockingly similar to 2009

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

my most lovely sister...gracing the pages of allure magazine...truly the most alluring page of all

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

i want a baby....

so she can don these little lovelies...

although purchasing a set would mean i would have to choose my favorite design, which proves to be impossible :)

etsuko furuya

quite a mouthful to say, but i can't dream about this fabric enough. there is something so endearing. special. vibrant. about it's simplicity.

after pineing over it for several days (including it's quite expensive price tagging) i have ordered one 1/2 yard. not sure what will be created out of it's marvelocity, but i'm sure anything will look better when donned in this echino migratory bird masterpeice.