backseat revelation

i try on purpose not to over-talk about our adoption to the boys.

the wait is hard on me, let alone two little boys who have no concept of time. especially foster, who refers to any amount of time as being "last week".

"hey daddy, last week we had pancakes for breakfast." (talking about today)
which may, in fact, be true, however it gets confusing with things like, "daddy, do you want to play candy land with me last week?"

anyway, i make a point to not talk about it all the time. we pray for her, and when we draw pictures of our family, we draw her too. sometimes i'll say things like, "someday, when God brings us our sister from China, we'll get to go to the park and teach her how to go on the swings."

it's been a week or so since i've meantioned her, though she is never far from my mind, especially as i am gathering the last bit of our paperwork to (finally!) schedule our homestudy.

apparently, thoughts of her are not far from foster's mind either.

this past wednesday (you know, "last week") we went to ikea to meet up with friends.
we had only been in the car a few minuets, when the most amazing and beautiful conversation transpired:

foster: "mom, when i have my sister, where is she going to sit?"

me: "oh, you mean, where will sister sit in our car?" (trying to choke back my instant tears of joy at his precious thoughts)

foster: "yeah. can she sit in my seat? i want her to have my chair so she can be safe."

me: "that's so sweet and thoughtful of you foster! (choke, choke, wipe away tear) i love that you are already looking out for her! you are such a great big brother! but, where will you sit?"

foster: "i don't know. maybe i can get a new chair."

me: "yea, that's a great idea! ooohhh, maybe you can sit in the WAAAYYYY back!!! it would be an adventure!"

foster: (eyes lighting up as he gazed into the back seat) "yea! then sister can have my chair!"


the rest of the drive, i wanted so much to keep talking about her. to make it seem like it's closer than it actually is. to talk with him about her dark hair and eyes and how small she will be. how much she will need her two big brothers to help her make sense of her new world. but i didn't. someday soon.

i love that he thinks about her. already big brothering on her behalf. she is so very loved.

persistant lips

we weldon's have a secret.
well, maybe not "we"...it's more "them"
the boys. the men-folk.
foster and rowan got it honestly.
apparently, it's the secret to masterful concentration which will later lead them to skilled abilities aplenty. you see, they got it honestly from their dad. he is the original concentrator with persistent and continuous tongue appearance. sort of like it's frozen during mid-moisturizing. basketball. sawing lumber. replacing tires. writing an email. i bet it's even under his snowboarding helmet.

their tongue seems to get stuck somewhere between, "hmm that's interesting" and lingers around "i wonder how this works" and then sticks around for "oh, i see! that's so cool."
they don't even realize it.
i seriously have several hundred pictures with one or both or all of them with their tongue out.
running, sliding, painting, wrestling, pouring, thinking. leaping. riding.
the tongue is there. always.
i don't get it.
i imagine a large degree of chapping would ensue with such persistent lip wetting.
or perhaps dry mouth would be inevitable as so much moisture would escape such a valuable ventricle.
it doesn't seem to be the case.
it does, however, make our winter water sink fun even cuter :)

meditate

Trusting in the loving providence of God liberates you from selfish ambitions and allows you to discern the best way to respond in your place, which results in a fruitful life to the glory of God!
phil carnuccio. sermon on philippians 1:12 to 18

i love this statement. this is my life...but the opposite.
i get so bogged down. frazzled. irritable. i constantly try to manage within myself. it's more than frustrating, it's disappointing.
"trusting in the loving providence of God LIBERATES..." ahh, the beauty of being liberated! free from all the things that I want. the things that keep me from keeping my cool.
i'm working on it. daily. i have to remind myself to remember. how silly! but very true. i can go a whole day filled with worry and irritation without even remembering how selfish i am and how far i am from living a truly fruitful and productive life.

so this is what i am working on. today. i'm going to remember it all day. focus on it. soak it in. the moments that frustrate me and keep me bogged down are going to be cast out by my remembering. i long to discern the best way to respond right where i am. even if i am "just" a mom. even if i didn't have time to get a shower. even if my 3 year old throws a giant fit when he doesn't get his way. even if my 2 year old won't stop touching everything he shouldn't. even if i feel paralyzed by the thought of selling our house. the list could go on.

after all, it isn't just for me. though my own heart needs and desires to be blessed by my relationship with God, those little eyes soak me in everyday...watching, listening, responding...to me. it's a heavy dose of reality when my selfishness gets in the way of them seeing the unconditional love that christ gives me. actually it's scary. and rightfully so.

parenthood. as full of challenges as it is full of joy. my challenge is no longer lack of sleep or monotonous diaper changes. i thought that stuff was hard. but this stage is by far much more difficult for me because it deals with who i am...it gets to the core of me. little kids see that stuff, we just don't often realize it. my kids know me. the intonation of my voice. a sideways glance. my real smile and my fake smile. my reaction when something exciting or scary happens. worry. stress. they feel it all. i know because i see them react in the same way that i do. it's quite amazing when it is positive response. foster will walk up to rowan and rub his head tenderly and say "hey little buddy! i love you SOOO much!" or rowan will kindly bring a toy to our neighbor boy and say "here go noaieeee...you play." but it's quite the opposite when foster drops his shoulders and lets out a frustrated "UHHHHHGGGG!" when something goes wrong...in the same exact phrasing and timing as my own horrible frustration.

all this to say, i am aware of it. i feel it's importance. i'm going to meditate. take action. respond.

day 5

best day so far with mr.patch. no tears...just stickers and a determined cheerful smile!

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neckwarmer

i love etsy. i love perusing the creativity that oozes from it. i never fail to leave inspired and perhaps a little miffed that my own creative juices don't extend to such far expanses as so many etsyers.

my shortcomings aside, this little bit of lovely graced my doorstep this afternoon. would you believe that i ordered it on monday evening and regina at Lilian Eve Designs made and shipped it by wednesday morning? seriously. that's awesome!

this super soft neckwarmer isn't just great for outdoor wear, no siree. this baby is meant to be shown off even when the jacket hits the closet.

i'm more than excited to donn it, although at the moment my hair seems to be in cahoots with the darma initiative :) so in leiu of a mirror shot of me, i thought i had better let my scantilly clad lady friend show it off. i will give it a debut tomorrow night on a date with mr. clinto.

i'll be honest. i first spotted it on my sister in love, lauren. she wears it best by a long shot...so cute, right?

a cowboy and a spaceman. the perfect combo

just had to post these.
our favorite buddies holding their favorite buddies.
an indestructable team of brains and brawn
woody's slender physique may be no match for buzz lightyear's thunder thighs
but his limp arm karate slap is a force to be reckoned with :)




(photos by the ever talented henricks family)

zing

it's been a busy week.
one of those wondrous weeks when before you know it thursday rolls around. oh how i LOVE thursday. i used to love it for grey's anatomy (but now that greys has lost it's zing), i love thursday just because i love it.

speaking of "zing", my 3.5 year old foster has plenty. he's zing-ier than anyone else. we literally run laps downstairs chasing each other with swords, or box heads, or pretending to be lions. he has a vivid imagination, and although when he's tired he has been known to fall apart a bit, i've never once seen him discouraged. he is ever the optimist and often helps me to see the brighter side of each situation. like the other day when i spilled an entire glass of newly poured ice tea (all over me, foster and the floor), he simply said "it's ok mom, look, i'll help!" or when i smacked my head on an open kitchen cabinet door yesterday, he ran right over and said, "Jesus can heal it mom! i can pray to ask him."

in the past few weeks, we found out alot about our zinging foster. we found out that his large and lovely deep brown eyes (with eyelashes longer than maybelline could ever manufacture) weren't working as all as we thought. his left eye isn't keeping up with his right eye. after several pediatric optometry visits, we discovered that he has a slightly sever eye tracking problem. not sure what "slightly sever" means, but it's not slight and i'm afraid to admit if it's sever. so i'm sticking with "slightly sever."

in fact, he's been having so much trouble seeing that the doctor said his brain has shut down vision to that eye for the most part. all this, and we didn't even know. correction, I didn't know. i'm his mom! i'm supposed to know. supposed to watch out for him and stand guard against anything that i can prevent. needless to say, i'm feel guilty that i didn't know.

he immediately needed glasses, and according to foster, he needed blue glasses. on our first day home with glasses, he was struggling with the strong prescription, until we sat down to read his book, "biscuit," and he instantly exclaimed, "MOM! I CAN SEE THE PAGES!" it was an awesome moment.
he puts his glasses on as soon as he wakes up, and they stay on through every high jump, chuck-norris-inspired round kick, and cookie eating moment of the day. he loves to fold them carefully, slide them into his sleek blue case and snap the lid closed with gusto. he even slept in them one afternoon because i forgot to take them off. he LOVES them. they look so stinkin cute, i can hardly stand it! and quite studious i might add :)

at his optometrists appt on monday, we learned that although the glasses help, the tracking problem isn't correcting quickly enough, so one of my worst fears was confirmed. the eye patch. he needs to wear a one over his strong eye for 3 hours a day in order to strengthen his weaker left eye and convince his brain to return function.

day one. wednesday.
we talked about it, and i explained his left eye needed to get stronger and the patch would help. i told him how brave he is and how mommy was going to help him get through it. we talked about how Jesus can help to heal his eye so he can see better.

we laughed that they look like egg shaped bandaids. we put the patch on.

he immediately noticed that he couldn't see at all. his sweet little left eye fought to figure out what was going on, and he immediately started to panic. he was so distressed. more so than i have ever seen him.
"but i can't see mom! i can't see! i don't like it, i don't like it!"
he literally sobbed for an hour as i held him. i sobbed too. we sat and sobbed together until i couldn't take it any longer. when i took it off, it was soaked with tears. we were both traumatized.

so yesterday was day 2. thursday, my favorite day.
i was determined to help him make it closer to 3 hours. we put the patch on right before dinner after daddy came home. we cried. alot. his depth perception is so compromised that he needed help to fork his chicken fingers. it was the chocolate pudding that helped with the sobbing. we tried to play curious george games on the computer, but that was a bad idea. he was so frustrated, but still trying to be positive.

he politely said, "mom, i can't see it right now. let's try again later."

this kid has serious perseverance. we made it two hours.

today. friday. day 3.
i was determined to get the patch out of the way early so he could have the rest of the day patch free. i talked to him about putting the patch on before we ate breakfast. his zingful demeanor disappeared. he darted for the other side of the room and screamed "BUT I CAN'T SEE WITH THE PATCH!!!"

my heart fell out.

he found a corner and sunk down to the ground. rowie ran over to see what was wrong, and then foster said something i've never heard him say.

"no rowan. i just want to be alone. leave me alone."

my sweet zingy boy. the patch had broken his spirit. he has never wanted to be alone, not for one moment in all of his 3.5 years. until today.

we hugged. we talked. we managed to put the patch on. we sobbed together as we ate our waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

then we made a lemonade stand at the kitchen sink, where they currently reside. making "lemonade."
this is what is so amazing about his zing. it rejuvenates. at this very moment, he's stirring and mixing and sipping his newly created mixture with a silly straw. he's chatting and pouring and sharing the measuring spoons with rowan.
his fantastic zing. even in the face of struggling to see out of an eye which his brain has turned off, he can still find his zing.
now that is something special. being full of zing even in the face of adversity.
this kid is my hero!

(oh, and only 35 min to go until the patch comes off...hooya!)

(ps. stephen and lauren took these adorable pics of mr. foster and his glasses)

valentines day love

we're no strangers to projects here in the weldon household.
(see here, here, and here)
but we'vebecome strangers as of late.
our condo was originally purchased to flip, but has quickly shown us just what a flop it really is.
i won't indulge our regretful real estate venture,
but i will pronounce to myself that we are determined to rise above and learn from our mistakes. so, that means we are back in full renovation mode.

the problem is, neither of us ever feel like actually starting.
we make lists.
we make plans of when to sit down and revisit our lists.
we talk about talking about starting.
it's procrastination at it's finest. in the end, we usually start randomly and end months later. but this time, we are avidly fighting against our norm and have developed a one week plan, starting yesterday. valentines day, of all days.

in true clinto style, he awoke early, unable to go back to sleep, and proceeded to GO TO THE GROCERY STORE! seriously, it was the best valentines day gift ever! i awoke to hot coffee and chocolate covered doughnuts (my favorite) as well as the knowledge that i could cross "Giant" off of my to-do list! hallelujah!

shortly after the waking up and the grocery store and 2 chocolate covered doughnut children, day one of our one week plan began. with gusto, clint gutted our hall bath and ripped up an alarming amount of rotten disgustingness. seriously, the filth that lies beneath carpet or laminate flooring is some of the scummiest grime on earth. coupled with the fact that our entire house was originally un-updated since the mid 1970's i hate to envision what has transpired since these floors last saw the light of day.



we were also able to finally rid ourselves of our third (yes THIRD) sea shell sink. here's the jem on the day we moved in. soap bar and all. uhg. i hate bar soap. may i just ask, who in he world thought sea shell shaped sinks were such a visually appealing choice that they installed three??



oh, and here's me. and my "no shower morning" crazy hair :)


anyway...

my downstairs paint project began as the boys went to bed and although the prep work of painting seems to drag on for hours, i got half of our beautiful grey kitchen ceiling primed with white. we both have a strange obsession for dark ceilings, but now that i am repainting with utter annoyance, i regret the grey decision.

the birthday frogs are the only ones that don't seem to mind the paint intrusion and they are still swimming happily.


did i meantion that staying organized and keeping up with my already impounding levels of paperwork in the midst of my paint project is nearly impossible.


so, this is my valentines day post.
filled with the hatred of project, but the love of hope...hoping that we will someday find ourselves in the home with room to grow...

here's to us not procrastinating :)

preperation

the billowing blizzard gave us great fun digging tunnels and prepping snow gardens this morning. and although the kids will tell you the snow is the best part, for some reason i love the moments just before we enter the snowing wonderland. i love the warmth. the crazy make-shift snow attire i make the kids wear. i love watching them enjoy their sleds, even before they get outside. i love the anticipation of snowballs and sand shovels. i love their rosey cheeks that aren't yet frozen, and their amazement as they look outside for the first time and see the winter that awaits.

someone special

have you ever known someone that fills your life with joy?
someone that truly breathes love into everyone around them?
i have someone like that...
she's married to my brother.
she's the kind of friend everyone should have
she's the kind of sister i've always wanted
she is, without a doubt, one of the kindest, most genuine people. period.
oh and did i mention she is drop dead gorgeous??
and quite humble, i might add.
one of those naturally beautiful people who doesn't know she is beautiful.

she just did this shoot, and totally rocked it!
seriously.
amazing.

thoughtful

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found a goldmine in exton today. backhoes within viewing distance.

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