T-minus 8 days.

(that looks really strange written out, hu?) maybe it should be "T-8" ? anyway...

what i really meant to say is: the countdown....it's begun.
we are in full packing mode.
boxes are strewn about in every direction. misc accoutrements reside on every surface...and it's driving me crazy!
i've found out it's a full time job just keeping my control issues under control...and my hyper anxiety level at bay. i'm one of those strange half breeds who love and hate change all at the same time. my husband is all about the change. he dreams about it. being disheveled doesn't seem to phase him...afterall he's used to coming home to utter destruction when i've had a long, exasperating day in which cleaning was surpassed by survival.

so, i'm hiding. blogging. random google surfing. backing up pictures on picasa. making a few lists and avoiding that which is inevitable...more packing. 
the longest and most laborious part is the weeding through. the parting of things for keeping and trashing and goodwilling. it takes forever. and dare i start just throwing stuff in bins, i will forever hate myself when i am forced to unpack bin after bin of random junk. so i'm trying to keep some semblance of organization...although not my strongest suit of skills.

i haven't touched our bedroom, bathrooms, linens or any of our clothes. the spare room still looks like a showroom, and the boys room is untouched. thankfully the kitchen is almost all boxed thanks to my amazing sister in law, who also helped finish the laundry room. other than that, i'm at a loss for what to do next. we leave for our fabulous vacation 2 days after our closing (which was planned long before our last min decision to sell our house) so somehow i'm trying to pack for the beach whilst packing everything else. we are going to live with family for a few months, so i need to pack up things to live with, enough toys for the kids, but not so many as to overload the inlaws. some items we need in storage but i know we will need them in a month or two, and then some things we might need so i can't pack them into oblivion. my sewing factory is fairly organized already, but the 8 jumbo bins packed to their brims need to be whittled down in a way so as no to overtake the world. and then there is everything else.

all this and i'm getting orders all the time (which i am so so thankful for) but my evening-middle of the night time that would be spent packing (or better yet sleeping :) has been spent sewing. sometimes i look at it as sleep deprivation training so i don't forget what it is like to go without sleep...a skill every mom must master, and i think i'm getting closer to a black belt :)

not to mention the pile of adoption grant paperwork i need to devote 10 or 12 hours to but i can't seem to wrap my brain around where that time is going to come from.

can you tell i'm stressed?
i keep trying to remind myself this is a season. a hard one, but a season for a purpose.
i have caught a glipse of it, for sure. as God orchestrated so many things in our lives all at once, we could not have planned it this way...it is God led...so i'm taking refuge in knowing we will look back with thankfulness.
and in knowing we will be at the beach in a few short weeks, sunning ourselves into oblivioun and i won't ever remember all this packing non-sense :)


foxy british gents

i signed foster up for a little kid soccer team.
i pictured beehives of boys and girls kicking happily.
mini shin guards, suave 20-something british soccer coaches with an encouraging fun approach to wee-one soccer, and smiles from ear to ear.
when we arrived, it was just as i had invisioned....
except i had also invisioned my own child being one of the kids laughing gleefully.
last friday was our first class. we started out cheery and kicking with gusto.
thankfully i snapped a picture in the first 5 min before our first soccer episode occured.
15 min in: snack time arrived and our mood was somber at best. a few more kicks and he was ready to head home.
"i'm tierd mom. did i win yet?"  he said with exasperation.
my little daddy's boy. competitive to the point of exhaustion and we were only 20 min into his class. i assured him he was doing a great job, and i loved watching him play. i emphsized "fun" and the joy of being outside and meeting new friends. i coaxed him to go back out and try again. we lasted another 5 min and i was informed he was ready to "go home and play in the sandbox." so we headed home.

did i mention another little boy that wants nothing more than to be out on the soccer field?? sweet rowie is a year too young to play this season...but it's a little hard to explain that to a soccer ball loving fellow. he was nearly heartbroken seeing all of those kids kicking and not being able to be one of them.

today. week 2.
we entered with excitement. glee, even. but as soon as we walked onto the field, foster was gripped by something. i'm not quite sure what he was struggling with, but it was clear right away he didn't want to be there. i stood with him on the field (while the other 30 parents looked on from the bleachers) as foster clung to my legs and rowan practiced some form of houdini maneuvering as he attempted to scale my kung fu grip. foster played for a split second, and i tried to back away so as to remove myself and my flailing 2 year old from plain sight, but foster burst immediatly into tears. i walked back out onto the field and assured him i was right with him. "we" (me manhandling a flailing rowan...and foster in wimpering tears) kicked the ball together with the 3 dozen little soccertiers.
5 min into the class, foster was still crying and rowan was now adding a large amount of screaming to his flailing tecniques. we calmly walked off the field and down the hill behind the bleachers (and out of the eyesight of the 30 parents and handsome british gents). we sat and talked and ate some raisens.  i tried to discover what the real issue was and why he was so afraid to play. he just kept saying he wanted to go home and "play in the sandbox".
i kept thinking to myself..."what am i supposed to do??!! force him to play? forget about it? throw away the $80 i spent on this stupid soccer team????? if only rowan was old enough...he would LOVE to play!"
then i remembered...foster is 3 years old.
he so rarely spends time with adults/kids he doesn't know.
there are 35 kids on a soccer field and he doesn't know a single one.
i need to cut him a break.
"wanna go home and play in the sandbox and have lunch??" i said.
"yes! i love my sandbox!" he replied. "maybe i can watch rowan play soccer next time."

ahh parenthood. it's a crapshoot.
so we went home.
we had lunch in the sandbox and played in the mud.
it was at this point that my vision was complete...we didn't need foxy british soccer coaches and dozens of cones on a soccer field to break in our new shin guards...all we needed was a little mud and presto....
my little boy was back.

cake wrecks. my favorite place.

maybe it's the whitty cake banter that is so enjoyable or the painfully horrible creations that are acctually made and sold at a sad, unfortunate bakery somewhere, but this website is awesome. seriously. take a gander. i almost peed the other day it was so funny. i said, almost...

and just when you think you have seen the worst...every once in a while, they show a little perfection...
that's then i remember how much i love gazing at the well crafted art of confectionary delight:

if i could time travel back to our wedding day, i might just choose this bit of heaven for my design inspiration :)


i couldn't resist...

i bought this for you. it's hanging in my closet
it's waiting for you

somewhere in my heart i'm regaining hope
that you'll be wearing it at just the right time
a time that only your Father can know
maybe next easter, or for your birthday or mine
maybe for christmas with leggings and shiny purple shoes
maybe for ice cream with with your brothers on a warm summer night

but whenever you wear it, i will look at you lovingly and remember today.
the day when i bought it for you
while you were still far away
and i will continue to treasure you deep in my soul
because you're my love
my sweet little polka dot girl


our home study is....


yes, that's right...as of 4:23pm this afternoon, it's done!!!

i had a creative post planned telling all about it... i was expecting a big hoopla.
a scouring of our cabinets and childproofing skills (which we never really did other than outlet covers. it's called, "don't touch." that's my childproofing technique. :)

it only took 20 min. it look me longer to clean up our front yard littered with sand toys and miscellaneous bug catchers than it did for our much-sought-after homestudy.
and i'm thrilled about it! not only do i have a clean house, but the hope of our daughter is even more real now!!

onward we go!


what are you building?

"a wall of bricks. just like uncle stephen and lala's wall at their house. i love bricks."


the captive.

once upon a pleasant spring morning
a tender spider crept.
leisurely about his business of spidering
he was taken captive.
upon closer inspection, his story unfolded.

his quirky adolescent frame leads me to believe he's a spider in his youth
and yet a stealthy strength bodes his stature.
i can only imagine his horror as he peruses his surroundings.
the various array of random kitchen utensils-turned sand toys,
triceratops figurines, bubble blowers and discarded easter eggs
they are sure to look like ancient weapons of torture

surely the spider alert has been sounded and all area recluses have been diverted to our location determined to free their fallen comrade or vow to entrench our home in a web of disaster.

he prevails bravely as he is toted mercilessly by his captors
as they hop and skip in various adventures
and although they find him exceedingly fascinating,
they are also quite entertained by the area's landscape and often fling a cup or two of slosh in his general direction.

his cellmates are none other than 3 ladybug inhabitants who have been held captive since 3pm yesterday.
at first glance, one would imagine a level of fear being sentenced with one such spidery comrade.
but upon closer inspection, a brazen and unspoken pact of respect is in effect.
it seems there is a code amongst the spider/ladybug community where peace has transformed their once hostile existence into a tranquil and unified coexistent society.
now finding themselves in such close proximity during their treacherous containment, both are pleased to find the truce in good working order.

so here it is written...
a plea to little spiders everywhere
watch where you step little friends
lest you find yourself at our house :)


easter squirt guns

brotherly love. how precious!

this not-so-brotherly throwdown was acctually not as brutal in person as it appears on film. rowan was laughing histerically...but seeing the pictures you would think he got whip lash :)

it seems that easter egg pictures bring out our "bird with it's toungue out" impression. not sure what was going on, but it was hilarious!

at long last, a semi decent family picture...although the sun was blinding us, rowan's eyes are closed and i look as white as a vanilla milkshake...at least we are all in it at the same time :)


recipe reality

sometimes it's a real bummer :(

(these were supposed to be mozzarella sticks enriched with hidden cauliflower puree. seriously? where's the recipe tester when you need one! they not only looked aweful, but they tasted aweful. i still ate 2. that's how much i love mozzarella!)


camera exhaustion

my camera has been exhausted.
actually it's my battery that was in need of rejuvenation.
recent treks left it drained and our recent craziness caused my mind to be a bit occupied with things other than charging it.

i'm not sure why i've been so pre-occupied. i mean, really. we've had a few minor things going on.
you know, things like...
clint wrecking his car
clint's job running out or work.
clint getting a new job with amazing opportunities 
previously mentioned new job comes with a new car!
selling a house
not having a new house
trying to get adoption homestudy scheduled before we are out of a house
you know, normal life stuff

the funny thing is, it's been a really encouraging month. that list doesn't look encouraging, but the timing of all of these things...especially the no car and the no job, and voila, God provides a better job and a better car...it's been amazing.

long segway.
i charged my camera battery and uploaded pics.
short and sweet
here are our recent trips...enjoy :)

//longwood. our favorite place//

//the zoo//

//our front yard has a sandbox. the sandbox has a tarp. the tarp collects water. we don't care if it's ice cold rain water. we are in the love with our "lake" and our "shovels"//


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