fort washington. my new love.

i traveled with a heart as light as air on friday.
i trekked up the turnpike to fort washington, pa with my hand holding tight to a little packet that holds something so special, i can scarcely let it out of my sight.
it's our dossier.
a strange word that had no meaning to me before this all came about.
it still bothers me that the spelling is so wacky.
but wacky spelling aside, it's like a packet of gold. priceless diamonds. worth more than i can express.
it's our adoption paperwork.
it's everything about us. literally, everything. our life on paper. early childhood memories. financial history for the past 5 years. worst fears. strengths. places we've lived in 1978. family members. their spouses. their children. legal guardians. references. clearances. birth certificates. marriage licences. passport copies. medical reports. you name it. it's in there.

i smiled as i saw the sign ahead. "Living Hope Adoption Agency. Forever Families"
i get chills when i hear that phrasing. because of what it means.
my little girl coming home. a place where she belongs. where she can grow and dream. and have a mom and a dad. and two big brothers. and a community of family and friends who will cheer her and root her and love her. not because she is adopted, but because of who she is. beautiful, amazing, delicious.

my trek to fort washington was a direct result of all of the orders sold in the past month. i'm blessed beyond words at the many many people who placed orders and gave me a way to take our little bundle to our agency. would you believe i profited nearly the exact amount we still owed with only $50 to spare?? i cried when i got the bill from our agency this past week because i knew it was only God's amazing blessing that the amounts lined up so perfectly.

i try to picture what it will be like when i finally meet her. i try not to picture her running into my arms and embracing me. i know it won't be like that. i know it will be a process for her to know me. to love me. to trust me. but i just can't wait to start. to grow with her in love. to bring her lyche fruits and oranges when i meet her for the first time. a soft blanket and a coming home outfit. gifts from her brothers and pictures of home. i'm already scheming how to make one of these:

so i can carry her for one entire week while we are in China together. i want to walk and hug and love. through the streets. the markets. the night air shops. together. buy us matching chinese necklaces. gifts for brothers. gifts for daddy. gifts for my daughter. to actually call her my own. i want it so badly.

i pray daily for favor. for fast processing. for them not to loose my oh-so-precious bundle of dossier.
dear Lord, please don't let them loose it. i might just have a heart attack and never recover. it should really come attached with a homing device. i'd feel a lot better :)

we have another 2 months to wait. that's a piece of cake.
our packet of gold travels to harrisburg for 2 weeks and then new york for 2 weeks and then to china for at least a month until it gets logged into their system. after that, it's on, baby. we can start to look through profiles! i'm anxious for it and dreading it at the same time. i can already feel guilt at the thought of having to make a choice which means turning away the 1,000 of others that remain on the waiting list. waiting for forever families.


timeline of the past 1 and 1/2 years


** if you've ever thought about adoption, start the process. it's longer than you think. i wish we started when we started talking about it, which was a year earlier. you will wish the same thing :)