wordy picture-imperfection

in a very long word, today was prolifically-photo-unfabulous
i got yet another "free" picture coupon from the picture people in the exton mall
and being a henricks, i have trouble passing up anything "free"

if you have ever gotten "free" pictures taken, you know that the "free" part is only "free" so they can make you so marvelously in love with the perfect pictures, that you can't help but spend 2 months salary on the "fabulous" picture packages that you could print out at home for $7

so, off we go. coupon in hand. on the prowl for free pictures.
we arrive 9 min late as usual
immediately, i can see we are going to have issues.
foster is in "a mood."
the kind of mood that only a chocolate milk and a long nap will cure.
not only is he in "a mood" but apparently even minute details turn his typically pleasant disposition into red-faced, un-photo-flattering tears and temper-tantrum floor flailing.
normally, we would just go home and take a temper-tantrum curing nap, and our little world would be perfectly pleasant again...

but we were already here.
already wearing an adorable skinny tie/white shirt combination and skinny jeans
(my new favorite outfit. can you tell? i have only posted 7 pictures of my child wearing the exact same clothes. sorry.)
plus, my coupon expires soon.
it would be like throwing away free money. and after all, i'm a henricks.

at this point, foster is practicing his somersaults on the mall carpet amid dried puke and half eaten cookie crumbs as he licks the germ-ridden carpet fibers and finishes with a hair-raising headstand resulting in leg flailing that nearly knocks a little girl out of her stockings and sunday shoes.

i keep my cool. pick him up off the floor, and we are ushered into the little photo taking room. no doubt to the glee of the other mothers in the waiting area with their non-somersaulting children.

the photographer enters. a very pleasant girl, but no doubt unprepared for the world of pain foster is about to impart on both of us.

the white photo background is over here.
a red, perfectly kid sized sports car (with foster inside, death grip on the steering wheel) is over there.
i attempt to pull him out of the car and put him in the photo taking area.
screaming ensues.
off fly his shoes as i tear him away from the car.
tears streaming.
arms and legs flailing
i become the mom i hate
"come on sweetie...be a good little boy and show mommy your smile! let me see your pretty smile! come on wittle boiy (pleading)...you can do it...ok foster stand up...stand up foster. (frustration building) Stand UP!" to no avail.

sticker bribing ensues
bribing aside, stickers are a brilliant plan
sitting and sort-of smiling results.

wait 20 min for photo girl to print out 15 digitally enhanced, black and white, sepia, cropped and perfectly placed pictures in perfectly beautiful frames.

my inner monologue fights with the fact that they charge and extra $5 just to print a picture in black and white (so stupid) and that all the pictures they print out and frame to taunt me into spending $176 for something i could frame myself for $15 will be promptly thrown out as soon as i walk out the door.

first of all, i don't really even like most of the half-crying pictures, but still, i hurt inside at the thought of a perfectly good picture being thrown away (my henricks coming out).

second, who can spend $147 on ONE framed picture?
i'm sorry if you are reading this and you yourself have purchased one of these over-priced pictures of perfection.
take solice in the fact that my debit card was burning a hole in my pocket even today, just waiting to jump out and purchase the glass and wood that so elegantly housed my son's image.

the 1/2 hour picture presentation ensues. i quickly pick out the one remotely decent picture (ignoring the putred black and white checkered box foster is sitting on) and say "i'll take that one...the FREE one."

i literally grab the picture and run out.
debit card still safely stowed in my purse
FREE picture in hand.
1 hour of torturous picture-not-so-perfection is over
end result: vow never to return again

we are off to the food court.
foster is begging for chicken fingers, rowan is begging for a bottle and i am begging for 5 min of no flailing and no picture people :)