june 13th

foster turns 4 tomorrow.

how can it possibly be 4 years! it feels short and long at the same time. short because it has flown by and long because i can hardly remember life before he arrived.

quite possibly the best moment of life, next only to meeting our Savior, is the meeting of your child. it is painfully amazing because the spirit of who you are bursts into its new awareness of parenthood. for me i could feel my soul change...churn...explode...with such passion. i was instantly aware of sharp corners, insane drivers, hornets nests, nail pops and the horrific possibility that something horrific could ever happen to my child. i felt a sharp ache of pain when he cried. it was uncontrollable. i had an insane desire to nurture him. to care for him. it wasn't taught...i had no idea where it came from...i just knew i needed him. i instantly felt a camaraderie with other moms...with their joy, their grief. i knew right away i wouldn't be the same, and i had no desire to go back. 

when i held foster for the first time, i was shaking like a baby leaf. he felt so heavy, so needy, so small. he just looked at us with his deep brown eyes. and we cried. i kept saying over and over and over, "he's so beautiful! he's so beautiful! isn't he beautiful clint!? i love him so much! he's so beautiful!"

and to see him now...sometimes i just stop and marvel at his grown up stature. his understanding of all things we talk about. his insane memory of even the smallest details, vocabulary and all things nature related. he is surprisingly sturdy despite his slender outline and looks so precious in glasses, i can't imagine him without them. he watches me closely. he studies everything. he can throw, hit, catch, jump, spin, wail, chuck, roll, bounce just about anything...he often surprises me with his skill and ability to catch on to just about anything. i am ever fearful of him growing up and loosing any part of his zest for life, his playful spirit and his tender heart for small insects. he speaks quite often with tenderness towards his brother. he sings and makes up songs about random everyday items and loves to name every animal "swimmy." yesterday we were driving, en route to his swim classes, and he said, "mom, i need to breath some sky air. can you let some in so i can smell it?" ever enthusiastic about nature, this kid loves creation. he revives my spirit of adventure and i live in constant amazement of what he can conceptualize.

foster, you are amazing.
happy birthday mr. adventure.
you make 4 awesome.

:)