3 peas

we have the honor of living our days alongside of one of our dear family members. my granny. we all moved in together with my awesome, amazing, generous parents about 2 weeks ago.  i could write 12 blogs about how i adore her, the challenges she faces as her years grow thin along with her memory, the fact that she can't be alone for even a few moments, and how her sassy wit is still very much alive when she turns her hearing aid up enough to catch a drift of the passing conversation. but right now, i just watch in awe. somehow the time has crossed in benjamin button fashion, and my 4 year old foster has become akin to her 92 year comprehension. it is as if they are strangely on the same wavelength. she likes to sing songs. play little games. marvel at the small things. and so does he. he tells her everything. they sit. they eat together. they watch each other's every move. i thought having kids around would make her feel stressed, but i think it has the opposing effect...she is calmed a bit by the chaos. by having something to focus on instead of the dreaded long winter days.

my sweet boy's heart has been very tender to spiritual questions. recently we are tackling "how do you get to heaven?"  "how do your bones get under the stone?"  "what happens to your bones and why do we have to go under the stone?"  "where is heaven?"  "what is 'wash away your sin' mean?"  "do we get raised from the grave when we die?"  "is it dark in heaven or is it light?"  "how long do we live?"

these from a 4 year old. the age-old-most-difficult-to-explain questions that i hardly comprehend, and he is looking at me with his question face on, looking for answers. so i'm honest. when i don't know, i simply tell him so. i tell him about faith. and trusting when we don't have all the answers, but we know God's ways are amazing. God has our days numbered. we don't have a guarantee for tomorrow. i'm not going to sugar coat things, but i try my best to simplify them in the way he can start to understand. in the midst of reading "crazy love" and "ordinary women and their extraordinary God" i can't justify easy answers. so we talk. a lot. we peruse it together and read from the bible. it's hard. farthest from easy. little minds that are grasping. and i am not worthy to answer. but prepared or not, it's upon me. i must answer. please, Lord, don't let me screw it up.

last night in the car, we had one of our most deep and question filled car rides. i had no idea what sank in.

this morning, i heard foster and granny. having their usual heart to heart.

foster: "granny, you're getting old. but don't worry. heaven is beautiful. you can walk and talk to Jesus about anything you want. you don't have to be scared."

granny: "oh i know, honey. you are right. i 'm not afraid to die. i know i will go to Heaven. it's going to be amazing."

what a blessing she is. what a blessing my little boy is.

i pray constantly that God will call him to Himself. it's not my job to save him. i know that. it's not about the prayer he prays. it's not the words. it's got to be deep within who he really is because God has called him out of darkness and into forgiveness.

wow. for a post that started about my granny and 2 cute kids, i've somehow found myself in the spiritual land of the unknown. the largest and most threatening challenge of parenthood. never assume. pray fervently, and live in such a way that your kids want to know Jesus. and pray for forgiveness and grace for all the times you fail.

yeesh. parenthood is hard.
i'm in the midst of the struggle...the struggle and challenge of balance...so much to do and at the same time so much i should be doing and all at the same time, so much i need to let go of and just be. it's a challenge to say the least.