i think i've cried at least 7 times. ok, maybe 8.

i've been all sorts of emotional today. emotional and distracted. i zipped in the shower before the boys got up, and as i was blowing my hair dry, i noticed it felt a little, well, sticky. about halfway through the blowdry (as i could hear the boys calling for me) i realized i totally forgot to wash my hair. shoot. no time to get back in and rewash. so i continued to blow dry my unclean hair, sprayed some dry shampoo (thank you katie) and went about the morning. thank you distraction.

the boys are now at vbs, and i have a few moments. i should be doing something productive, but instead i am looking back. when things felt so uncertain with emery's adoption. one year ago, we didn't have our dossier submitted yet. we didn't have our referral. we were nearly $18000 short in funds. we had a homestudy, but that's it. i was certain it would be years until our girl would come home.
i found this blog entry from june 2010. i remember last summer vividly because i was constantly thinking of, praying for, dreaming of my beautiful daughter. little did i know, in june 2010, emery was a newborn. only 2 weeks old at the time i wrote this.

________________________________
Saturday, June 12, 2010
my dreams


i have extremely realistic dreams. you know, the ones that take a few moments to realize they weren't actually real when you wake up in the morning.
sometimes they are horrific and terrifying and i wake up exasperated, praying and hoping they were dreams and not reality.
last night, i dreamed i was in china. the sights, the scent, the streets abuzz with movement. suddenly, i was embracing my daughter for the first time. i saw her face. majestic. and she loved me and it was finally real. she was mine. i carried her everywhere in my dream. she had a back injury, so i carried her to the doctor. i just kept telling her over and over how much i loved her. and she smiled. my dream kept fast forwarding and she kept growing up. i kept taking her to the doctor and i kept carrying her everywhere. when i put her down, she wouldn't let go because she loved me so much.

i'm hoping tonight we will meet again....my dreamy reality.
_______________________________

i'm so thankful we are one day away from china. but somehow, i'm also thankful for 3 years of waiting. 3 years of loving my sweet little girl and God allowing her to be a part of our family before she was even created or born. incredible.



won't be empty for long :)