12.30.2014

the trenches

our recent days are hard and drenched in trauma parenting with emery and it feels strange to tell the world about it. at the same time, i want to document the process our life has seen so she can someday have insight into her childhood through my words, and i hope to have insight as well as we press on towards healing. i see so much light, so much progress, so much delight in my wonder girl. she is a source of amazing encouragement to our family. she is funny and kind and so amazingly smart. she started copying and writing all kinds of words this month. she wants to learn everything. i made her a copy book with clear covers so she can use a dry erase marker to copy things like all of our names, our address, my phone number, letters, numbers, pictures, etc. she uses it every day. she adores penny and is constantly doting on her every need. she has such a natural mothering instinct. her relationship with daddy is truly one of amazing beauty. she is his princess and there is nothing more that she loves than to spend time with him.
we have also experienced horrible rage and tantrums, especially after penny arrived. my pregnancy was hard on me and on emery as i wasn't able to carry her and hold her as she was used to. and then after penny arrived, everything else in my life went on hold as i cared for penny, spending nearly 24 hours a day loving her and caring for her. i believe emerys horrible tantrums and violence towards me is actually her grieving the change in our relationship. she doesn't know how to share me with another child who needs me so much. its been hard on both of us to figure out a new normal. emery has taken to hitting and pinching and kicking me. she whips me with things and shoves me.  even hitting penny sometimes. its painful physically and emotionally in a way i can't even express. when i say things have been difficult, i'm not kidding. it's been horrible some days.
and yet i see light.
we've had a few good days in a row. her tantrums don't all involve violence towards me. we might, just maybe, be heading back to a better place.
please Lord, give us back some peace. we need it. she needs it.

3 comments:

  1. Such a great review about your mentioned article. You website is great looking. Our business is modular kitchen chennai price list region. How you feel about after gst for kind of business in india.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm 15 years old. I was born with HIV my mother passed away because of the HIV infection And I regret why i never met Dr Itua he could have cured my mum for me because as a single mother it was very hard for my mother I came across Dr itua healing words online about how he cure different disease in different races diseases like HIV/Aids Herpes,Parkison,Copd,Epilepsy,Shingles,Cold Sore,Infertility, Chronic Fatigues Syndrome,Fibromyalgia, Diabetes Hepatitis even Cancer I was so excited but frighten at same time because I haven't come across such thing article online then I contacted Dr Itua on Mail drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com I also chat with him on what's app +2348149277967 he tells me how it works then I tell him I want to proceed I paid him so swiftly Colorado post office I receive my herbal medicine within 4/5 working days he gave me guild lines to follow and here am I living healthy again can imagine how god use men to manifest his works am I writing in all articles online to spread the god work of Dr Itua Herbal Medicine,He's a Great Man.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin