the day i met you, my tiny love

i've done this before, this baby thing. i've grown babies in my body and in my heart. i've met them for the first time and it took my breath away, each and every time.

but this time? this one last time? it was breathtaking in a whole new way. a way that gave me perspective on life in an entirely new way.

as i write, she lays beside me.  i gaze at her and feel the overwhelming sense that time is going by too fast. i want to soak up every ounce of her lovely smallness. her wonderful littleness that i won't experience again. and i love every, single, tiny moment.

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38 weeks pregnant and miserable.
that was me on july 10th, 2014.
i decided i was going to walk this baby out. this unnamed, squirmy, sweet baby, that made my protruding belly protrude more every, single day.

so, i ate spicy mexican food for dinner, and promptly went outside and walked around the block.
i put the kids to bed, and went outside and walked around the block some more.
contractions. 8 min apart.
my sweet sister in love met up with me and we walked around the block.
contractions. 7 min apart.
it started to storm, so we headed home and i walked around inside the house, pacing back and forth in our family room (while clint laughed at my failed attempts to do lunges).
more contractions. 6 min apart.
i walked up and down the stairs.
even more contractions. 5 min spar.
two hours went by.
the contractions stopped.
totally exhausted and unable to take another step, i collapsed into bed at 11pm. disheartened that another day would go by and i wouldn't meet my girl.

at 1am on july 11, i woke up to contractions. real ones. 5 min apart.
an hour later, i woke clint up.
an hour after that, i couldn't take it anymore. i felt like a baby was coming out any second.
my sister in love came over at 3am and we headed to the hospital.

after arriving at labor and delivery, nearly unable to put on foot in front of the other due to my  walking escapade the night before and very little sleep...they told me to walk, so we walked. slowly. painfully. for HOURS.

i was only 3-4 cm, and contractions were 5 min apart, but that's it. baby girl was way up high in my belly and in no mood to work her way into place.

so we walked. for more hours. i could barely force myself into each step. the nurses varried as to wether or not i would be admitted. around 9 am a nurse came in and told me to pack my bags and come back if the contractions got worse. 5 min later, she came back in and said a doctor had taken pity and admitted me for an induction. i nearly attacked her with hugs and kisses. this baby was happening.

the day was long, involving more walking, inconsistent contractions, an epidural and then pitocin (who knew they do the epidural FIRST these days?? it was a surprisingly pain free experience. amazing!!)

my mom came to join us and witness her 4th grandchild's birth and it was a miraculous experience to have her present for such a momentous day. i wish she had been with me for the first moments of all my kids.
we also had a photographer friend, Cait Jensen, document the birth and i am so very thankful for her time and amazing images. she is an incredible talent and a joy to be.

at 7/8pm my doctor broke my water (while literally pushing penny down into place...i was in a panic as there was a chance of a chord abruption because of the baby's high position, but it doesn't matter now. it worked). and by 10:30pm it was go time. i had my usual moment of complete terror, knowing it was time to bring a baby into the world....and then within a few moments, she arrived.

and i never wanted to let her go. ever.
she was so perfect and so beautiful and so much of my heart, right there in front of me.

our nurses were amazing. they didn't weigh her or grab her or rush us. they gave her to me and i kept her for the first hour, hogging her all to myself. i wanted to memorize every detail and follow every single first moment with ever fiber of my being.

welcome our sweet and wonderful 

Penelope Faith

7-11-14

7lbs. 8oz