the best kind of camera you can have...

is the one you have with you.
brilliant advice from a brilliant friend.
i'm taking it to heart.
i often cringe as beautiful moments occur and i don't have my favorite camera in hand. but in all the recent craziness, my favorite camera has taken an unfortunate vacation. or at least my time to download my daily photos has been so limited that i can't even remember the last time i perused them. sad, very sad.
so i've taken to the camera phone. fast. easy. accessible. slow shutter speed and a little unflattering, but hey...better than nothing, right?

recently, i've found myself in survival mode. here i sit, 1:58am, with another hour of order packaging ahead of me. 18 orders finished in a weekend. a world record. but i have 7 blog posts that i can't get out of my head. they're going to have to sit tight up there (if i can miraculously hold on to them a bit longer) because the blog world has taken a back burner.

survival mode. it kicks in when the orders kick up. i may complain about the exhaustion. and by complain i mean super annoying complaining. i get whinier the less i sleep, much to my husbands' chagrin. i whine to him about how i never have enough time to sew. how there are always orders looming. how i'm not sure if i can make it another day.
but when i sit in my little, cramped, barely-enough-room-for-one-person-let-alone-1000-yards-of-fabric, i remember something. oh yea. i love this. i love that it's for her. i love it.
no, wait. i don't love the exhaustion. it's becoming akin to a newborn. and we all know that kind of exhaustion isn't anything you want to impose upon yourself for no good reason.

and then i get to thinking. this is what happens late at night :) i start thinking. scary, really. i might re-read this post tomorrow and think it's all crazy talk.

i've been thankful that at least i have something i can do for her. after all, i don't get to be the one who rocks her to sleep when she's a newborn. i don't get to do the late night feedings. i don't get to be the one who looses sleep. so this is my newborn stage for her.

it is only by some superhuman dose of nightly adrenaline that i am able to work into the night...and then all at once in the middle of the night, it leaves.
i have literally fallen asleep at my sewing machine. or i find myself sitting there in a daze, staring at fabric.
so i walk right into bed.
horrifically enough, most nights with my clothes on.
i instantly fall asleep.
i awake to kids poking me with smiles.
hopefully, i put fresh clothes on, and start the day.
drink coffee. more than humanly possible.
i forget about sewing.
we live our day. laugh. wrestle. build stuff. eat snacks. visit friends. tackle everyday stuff. it's like a i'm normal.

and then the evening comes.
if i told you how many hours i've been working, you'd think i'm crazy. and i just might be.
but, i can't stop thinking about her. writing about her. thinking about her more.
like that movie the 3 amigos, which my husband loves so much and often quotes and then giggles to himself :)
i might not be able to hop a flight and rock her to sleep tonight, but "i can sew"
it's not much of anything. but at least it's something.
honestly, i long for her to be here for many reasons. selfishly so i can close down etsy, and open up my nights to do things like laundry and meal planning and lesson planning and cleaning and gardening and time with my husband, oh and sleeping.
but if she can't be with me, then i'm going to sew. sew like the wind, i tell you.
and i love every minuet of it.
oh and i'm going to stop whining so much. this will by my last "i'm tired" post. i'm starting to annoy myself :)


and on a non-sewing note...

clint's brother is getting married in 2 weeks...and he's marrying quite possibly the most wonderful person ever...it's going to be such a fun night! i can't wait!
speaking of the most wonderful people ever...my sister in love is lending me a most awesome vintage ensemble for the wedding. actually, she spread out 8 amazing choices, each with a matching pair of stunning heels...like my own personal stylist. seriously, her closet is amazing. i love her style so much. ok, i love everything about her :) and if i can slim it down a bit i might rock a black and blue number...that is, if i can summon my youth and coolness to pull it off :)
the camera phone doesn't do it justice at all...it's so cool and chic.

now to loose a few lbs before the big day. somehow my mid-section seems to have enlarged. could it be the 5 lb bags of peanut butter m&m's?? no way...those don't have any calories...they're much to small for that :)

and saturday we went and got clint fitted for his suit...and the boys had quite a fun time in the 5way mirrors. i'm quite sure the sales associate was glad to get us up and out. maybe that's why they were so prompt with the measurements for the alterations? :)

so handsome :)