saturday pack-a-thon {jing liu vs. emery lin}

i'm not sure how, but we are moving next week to a cute little apartment. there's a whole saga of reasons, but we decided not to buy right now and to keep trying to recover after this past year. i'll spare the blog world the details, but we are finally at peace with the decision to rent. there. i said it. rent.
i keep saying i'm packing, but whenever i try there is a baby sleeping in our room. or i forget to make dinner and need to use my most skilled maneuvers to turn kitchen remnants into spaghetti a masterpiece. or i sink into a pile of exhaustion and wake up in the morning to find a horrible site in the mirror. some worn out lady is wearing the clothes i wore yesterday. she has smudgy makeup and unbrushed teeth. i think i know her, but i'm not sure. she used to look lean and could throw on a tank top without her middle parts sticking out. good gracious i do know her. someone hurry...makeover needed on isile 5 :)

i have (i mean had) grand plans to pack and organize things ahead of time. but it seems that every day i set out to pack ends up just like it started...unpacked. at least i made it to the barn for a few hours today to rummage through organize a few things we've had in storage for almost a year and a half. in nearly every box i found drinking straws. funny thing is, i don't ever remember buying or packing them?? oh and i also found alarming amounts of stink bugs. i don't really remember packing them either :)

the past 2 days have felt semi normal. the boys have laughed, i haven't cried, and we've started to do normal things like meeting friends at the creek. we sat on blankets and fed babies. got lost in laughs and life while the big kids built sandcastles and splashed in the water. it was heavenly.

oh, and at all times, miss jing liu is crazy delightful. she has captured all of us. can this girl get any sweeter? impossible.

and about her sweet name. i get a lot of questions as to why i keep calling her jing liu, when for years i've called her emery lin. ("emery" because i L.O.V.E. it, and "lin" in honor of my mom, linda, and our favorite city in china, Gui lin).  even i am surprised by the change.
and i can't really explain it. when we started the adoption process, she was emery. when i saw her picture she was emery. i dreamed of her in my arms, prayed for her at every passing moment. i knew this little photograph person. i studied each and every image. and she was emery.

but when i held her for-real...when i looked in those lovely eyes...when i felt her slim figure and kissed the softest cheeks of all time...when i spoke my first precious words to her...she was instantly jing liu. i didn't even think about the shift, it just happened. it felt natural. even now when i say her name, i think of that sweet little baby on that first day. she was, and still is, the loveliest thing i've ever layed eyes on. i think of how it felt to be in china. i hear the sounds of cars whizzing by and i feel the scorching heat in the soles of my TOMS.  my jing liu clung to me at all times. it was beautiful. she is jing liu to me.
and then again, she is emery, too. the boys and i interchange emery and jing liu as if they are the same name and i love it. i hope that we always use them both.

i am constantly struck by the fact that she is really here. it hits me at strange times, and i get all choked up. especially when i rock her to sleep, i can hardly get out the words as i sing to her. i've started singing in chinese (be thankful you can't hear me. good gracious, my voice is horrible, let alone the fact that i am singing in another language) but she really seems to love it. oh how i love moments of quiet with her. i've always loved rocking my babies...but there is something about knowing how many moments i've missed out on with her. it is pure joy to know she is drifting to sleep drenched in love.

and in other news, i have yet to pick up my camera. sad but true. i still haven't had time to even download all of the pics from china! all memory cards are maxed out. i'm determined to clean those babies off and walk life camera-in-hand like usual. i think this is the longest i've ever gone photo-less and at such a pivotal time...get on the ball ang. seriously. until then, the camera phone will have to do.